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You think you know me.

Darling you think you know me but i have a dark secret. I try to act normal but i have a burden on my shoulders and it is slowly breaking my heart and soul.

Everyday i wake up i feel the weigh of the world. The gravity of this pushes me to the ground. I cannot lift my head up anymore as the shame of my curse is too much to bear.

I sometimes pray to jesus to make me stronger to make me a better person. Why do i always make the same mistakes, knowing what i am doing is so wrong. Feeling numb inside and all of my feelings of love and happiness disappearing from my life.

Getting older each day i know my time on this earth will one day be up, but i still carry on with this curse knowing i can really change if i try very hard. But it is the idea that i can buy what i want and it is the adrenaline it brings that makes this curse so hard to give up.

I have lost so much in my life from my marriage to my kids. Not caring about anyone and just being a selfish person. It feels like the evil forces are around me waiting for me to fail in life, laughing at me as i keep on making the same mistakes.

My desire to change has now come to a head where if i don't change i know i will dead. In my heart i feel tears of pain, my time on this earth should be cherished and not wasted.

Darling you think you know me and hopefully you do, because my love is so strong i need to be true. Please let me change to get over this curse, my life should be for living and not to be a selfish person.

This article was originally published on @tfh1974